Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
