I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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