Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
