Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
