Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
