I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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