So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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