Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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