it wasn't lemon gatorade
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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