I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
