I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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