i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
