I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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