Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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