i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
