Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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