I faked an abortion last night.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
