Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My cat gives me a boner
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
