Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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