He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
