I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
