The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize