Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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