I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
