I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize