so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
