God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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