dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
