you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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