I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
