i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
