After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
