Cold hands, warm shart.
Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
