I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize