maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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