Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
