he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
