5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
