His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
