Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
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I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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