cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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