Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
