what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
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Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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