You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
