Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
