The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
