I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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