yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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