Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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