it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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