so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
