My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
