If i come over, it means nothing
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
