We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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