hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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