grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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