woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
