these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
