The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
