I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
