He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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