So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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