i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
