I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
