I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
