Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
