I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
