I'm going to jail i love you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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