I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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