It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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