The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
