Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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