She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I want her autograph on my taint
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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