I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
