we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
