Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
