my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I could fuck to npr.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
