it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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