i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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