I can text with my tongue
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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